Thursday, September 3, 2009

Unheard Feelings Of A Personal Diary

Hi friends. Many of you are quite familiar with me, talk with me daily, and share your sorrows, joy just everything with me but my bad luck is that I can never respond to you. I can never show my dancing heart when you are happy or my crying eyes when you are sad. Thinking who am I???

I am your personal diary. Yes, the same personal diary which was kept in your shelf or hidden underneath your clothes in almirah or kept between old books unused for several years, and many other hideouts so that no one can know your personal talks with me.

But I wanna say many things, express my feelings, give my suggestions and have many other things to say to you but I never get a chance. But today my heart is full of grief and wants to spill it out. Today I am here to tell you about a girl, whom I hate in beginning but now I just cry in her sadness everyday………..

This is the first thing she wrote on me:

Dear Diary

I don’t know what to do with my boyfriend Sam, he is just so sweet, caring & loves me a lot but I just can’t stick with him anymore. But he is not ready to do breakup, I mean I have tried everything but he just forgives me for all the things…..That’s why I have started dating other guys without his knowledge. Ooppsss what else can I do. I know he is such a stupid that he will never know, so I will solve both problems in this way. I just want to search a right guy but it always keeps avoiding me, but will find it some day.

All this just gives me an impression that how heartless girl she is, I was too angry that how can a girl do this with a guy who loves her so much. He is the right guy for whom she is searching but my words have no means to reach her. She keep on telling me about the every new guy she date but no one was right according to her and also about the false excuses that she gave to Sam and he just accepts it with a smile.

But that day she was troubled by something, I can feel that. As she starts scribing these words on me:

Dear Diary

I don’t wanna do this anymore. I can’t see him dying anymore. I know that he knows that I am unfaithful to him but he still didn’t say a word to me ever. I know every time I lie to him, he dies a little more from inside. I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I am just feeling that I am taking his life away from him, like a murderer. I just wanna see him happy, but don’t know how? I just want a way out of this thing so that I can see him smiling again... I can’t see him dying anymore………but what to do?

As I read these I was shocked, coz I don’t know that this gal can b so emotional too and though she is not realizing but he loves that guy. Yeah, I know that it is the truth but I can’t raise my voice and say, “Hey stupid gal! He’s your guy for whom you are searching for.”

For next some days I only heard from her about daily routines only, but one day she was quite happy……

Dear Diary

Finally it’s over. Sam got a placement and he is finally moving to another city for the job. I am so excited, now he won’t have to be in pain coz of me. He will be freed from everything now……..all betrayals, all pain everything. He will get the life he deserved now, full of happiness and joy. Thanku Jesus. Thanku! Thanku! Thanku! Also I will be free to date anyone now…..yippeeee!!

I was not getting that what is the reason actually for her happiness, that she will be free to go on dates with anyone she wants or that Sam will be free from pain now. I got confused but thought that time will tell me what the original stuff is?

As expected she was happy for next some days but after that, she stopped going outside, to parties, to movies, everything…….

Dear Diary

I don’t know what’s happening with me. I am not feeling like doing anything. I am missing Sam a bit. Just a bit…..No may be a little more than a bit, or even more than that or may be more than just anything else in my life. But I should not behave like that; I mean I always wanted that then why I am miserable now. I don’t feel like dating anyone, I don’t feel partying, I just want to talk to him but don’t have his new number, neither he even called once. Ok ok .I know he’s been to a new city, he will be busy in setting up the things there but at least he can call me once. Do I love him…..??? No!!!! That can’t be the truth; he’s not that perfect guy. But yeah may be he’s just better than anyone else….Ohh I am so so confused……lemme go and catch some sleep. Yeah that will be better…. (She closed the diary, went to bed, but again jumped back and opened it) Do you really think that I love him???

Oh oh oh , so that’s what I was expecting from this gal, I know she will take some more time to accept it but still at least she realizes the thing now. I thought that everything will settle soon.

But for next some days I didn’t hear anything from her. I was totally puzzled that what can be the reason for this, but I really can’t figure that now and when finally she came, she was looking miserable. She was looking so pathetic that I just wish to stretch my arms and give her a hug and ask the reason for her this miserable cond. but damn I can’t do that. She started telling me a tragedy:

Dear Diary

(Two pearls from her fell from her eyes & make me wet)

Everything is over now. I never realized that he loves me more than anyone else can do and I always keep on searching for the thing that is just in front of my eyes. But now it’s too late for me to realize all this, as he has surrendered to his family pressure of getting engaged and is engaged to some gal. How can he do so with me?? He said he loves me a lot……..but I never make him mine. No!!! That gal can never care for him in the way like I do…..but may be she will also not give him any pain and at least she will care single heartedly for him. But can he live without me……..of course, in last days when I was with him, I too didn’t spend so much time with him so he is quite used to it. Can I live without him??? No!!! Not at all!!! But I deserve this only , I always give him pain, though I never want but still for a stupid girl like me this should be the only fate……What should I do??? I have no one else except him…..???......But I will never tell him all this as I don’t want to spoil his life anymore………let him get all happiness at least………..

If I had my way, I will never let her do this mistake coz I know that guy will also be happy without her, ever in his life but who will make this understand to this gal. She never told her anything, and finally the guy gets married. It’s been many months, but still the sorrow was intact with her and I can’t do anything to cheer her up. I just wish she had shared all these feelings with some close friend who can save her from this fate……..

I just want to ask one question???

Why you people trust a non-living thing like me so much instead of real life friends, may be if you trust them more than me then you will be saved from many drastic things and I can be free of pain that I know everything, still I am bound not to do or say anything……the pain that always make me remind that I am non-living…………….

So think about it before answering me……..

See you

Your Personal Diary

( P.S – This is my little effort of understanding the gals…….I know not an easy task but tried a lot to understand their feelings a bit through this post )

(P.P.S – Make friends to share feelings instead of keeping it up to you only)


Satyu said...

Awesome post yaar.
Dis gotta be my fav write up of you.
Seriously... luvd it.

Keep smiling :)

Esther said...


The Aspirant said...

thanx dear for liking it.......nd i didn't expect dat it vl becum ur best one....

The Aspirant said...

I am glad that u hv liked it......

cheers :)

VJ Sophie said...


The Aspirant said...

@ VJ Sophie
Thanx... :)

Shruti said...

hey its the best post i have read so far!!
Those words!! Awesome!

Liked it so much!!
Keep writing!!

Keep SMiling!

The Aspirant said...

thanx for appreciation nd makin me feel to do more wrk here.....

Americanising Desi said...

that is a whole lot to understand :)

i love the depth you went into!

The Aspirant said...

@americanising desi
well thanx for understanding d depth....

cheers :)

Shruti said...

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Keep smiling!

The Aspirant said...

kk i will check it......

Shruti said...

Hi :)
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Check my blog!

Keep smiling!

The Aspirant said...

Thanx for it
I will try to complete it as soon as i get tym...

cheers :)

workhard said...

Really good post.. a new way of writing..

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The Aspirant said...

@ workhard
thanx :)
jst trying to xpore new dimensions.......

naman said...

awesome post yaar.....


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