Monday, September 21, 2009

What Was My Mistake ????

It’s been many months now

The day we last spoken

In that same old warmth

And the same caring way

But things change so soon

And at times least expected

Sometimes changes brings smile to face

But sometimes just stab right at your heart

And that’s the unpredictability of life

By which no one can get apart

I still remember those small fights

Those helping ways and guiding lights

It was so much fun

And everything seem so bright

But as nothing lasts long here

I got sadness again in my share

But I still don’t regret coz

That’s the unpredictability of life

By which no one can get apart

You feel I don’t try to understand you

That you were never far away

Just a little busy with career things

Which no one can let escape

But I just have one question

Why that warmth has gone

May be we talk just for few mins

In that those memories can be re-grown

But the person who understand me

Without words didn’t do it this time

As that’s the unpredictability of life

By which no one can get apart

I just don’t want anything from life

I know neither I can get back that time

Nor will get back you

But I just want to know

Why someone comes to you

Makes you feel that world is not mean

And when you start believing this

They move out of your life

And let you asking yourself

What was my mistake?

But that’s the unpredictability of life

By which no one can get apart

P.S : I don’t know why I pen down all this boring stuff here, but my depressed mind want to let out some thing of it, and I don’t have any other place.

P.P.S: Not real, neither complete fiction…

Thursday, September 10, 2009

My First Tag By "Jal Pari"

Hi all friends.....
I have been tagged many days ago but i really can't get how to complete it as i am very very very bad in it......But finally i tried to complete it......
So here it is:

I Rule, You Rule, We Rule
The idea is, to list five items in each category and not necessarily in order of liking. You can always add or subtract categories according to your will. Then tag five lovely people to be the next ones to take this quiz.

Favorite words:

1.“Dumbo”: Well, this word is used most frequently by me for my best friend and thus keeping it in this list is quite obvious….

2.“Damn”: This word is my favorite as I lose my temper every now and then & at such times it is quite useful to avoid abusive language…….

3.“Yep”: Just like it…….

4.“Angel”: well that’s a secret…….: P

5.“Mmmmm”: I have to listen to many people’s problems daily, so it’s essential for me.

Favorite Characters (Fiction):

1.Wolverine: First, Hugh Jackman rockssssss……..really he looks damn good in it. This character always shows no matter whatever has happened in your past but your present actions will decide your future only………..

2.Ben Campbell (From movie “21”): Well, what a movie and what a guy this is. He went to Las Vegas two times, earn 300,000 $ and loose it both times. But still he gains a much valuable thing .an experience for a lifetime & nothing worth more than it ;)

3.Aditi (Jaane Tu Ya Jaane na) : Well Genu looks so cute in it……

4.Fox: Well, this character, played by Angelina Jolie in movie “Wanted” ,really inspired me a lot. This gal is an assassin who kills people as told by Fraternity. She do so as she believe if she miss their target then many innocent people’s life will be in danger and the best part she didn’t even pull her feet back when her name popped up ,and kills herself too.

5.Wesley Gibson: This character is played by James Mc Avoy in movie “Wanted”. He is a guy who is so much stressed by his life and keeps on searching to know who he is really.His life went drastic, up and downs & he was tricked by a group for killing his own father……..but he turns out of everything saying “This is me taking back control of my life. What the fuck have you done lately?” A guy who shows extreme courage and finally finds out answers of everything…………

Words That Should Be Banned:

1.“I love you” – What the damn meaning has become of this word. I can’t see insult of this word anymore that’s why.

2.“Nothing” – I want it especially for one of my net friends who uses it for my most questions…. :P

3.“Seriously” – I know most people use it when they are in a funny mood…. :D

4.“Chill“ – Especially when you are in a big trouble and some one says it :x

5.“Trustme” – No comments……. :P

Favorite one liner:

1.This is not the story of a bollywood movie; this is the damn real life

2.True love can never remain unpaired; it can only be left single for sometime

3.This is me taking back control of my life. What the fuck have you done lately?

4.Action speaks louder than words.

5.Either you change the world or this world changes you………choice is yours.

I really don’t know that these words are said by any great person or not, but I love these one liners, though some may be my creations only ;)

Favorite Books:

1.Five Point Someone by Chetan Bhagat: My first novel that I have ever read, completed it in 3-4 days and just loved it as it is related to IIT life, my unachieved dream. But who cares now…. :P

2.The Three Mistakes by Chetan Bhagat: Hmmm a great one. Read it continuously for eight hours before I ended it in 3 at night……..people hated it but I loved it as it relates to many dark truths of real life.

3.Tell Me Your Dreams by Sidney Sheldon: Send me in an e-book format by a very dear friend, one of the best I have read with such bold concept and having the suspense that take my nerves out.

4.Fundamental Of Physics By Resnick/Halliday/Walker: Amazed to see this name here….. :P .One of the finest books of physics, especially mechanics (My Love) and electrical. Read it a lot in JEE preparation days but still love to read some good portions again…..

5.Chacha Chaudhary: Lollllzzzzz……..

I Tag:

Shruti ,deepika ,pulkit ,whysoserioustoday & sats.......

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Unheard Feelings Of A Personal Diary

Hi friends. Many of you are quite familiar with me, talk with me daily, and share your sorrows, joy just everything with me but my bad luck is that I can never respond to you. I can never show my dancing heart when you are happy or my crying eyes when you are sad. Thinking who am I???

I am your personal diary. Yes, the same personal diary which was kept in your shelf or hidden underneath your clothes in almirah or kept between old books unused for several years, and many other hideouts so that no one can know your personal talks with me.

But I wanna say many things, express my feelings, give my suggestions and have many other things to say to you but I never get a chance. But today my heart is full of grief and wants to spill it out. Today I am here to tell you about a girl, whom I hate in beginning but now I just cry in her sadness everyday………..

This is the first thing she wrote on me:

Dear Diary

I don’t know what to do with my boyfriend Sam, he is just so sweet, caring & loves me a lot but I just can’t stick with him anymore. But he is not ready to do breakup, I mean I have tried everything but he just forgives me for all the things…..That’s why I have started dating other guys without his knowledge. Ooppsss what else can I do. I know he is such a stupid that he will never know, so I will solve both problems in this way. I just want to search a right guy but it always keeps avoiding me, but will find it some day.

All this just gives me an impression that how heartless girl she is, I was too angry that how can a girl do this with a guy who loves her so much. He is the right guy for whom she is searching but my words have no means to reach her. She keep on telling me about the every new guy she date but no one was right according to her and also about the false excuses that she gave to Sam and he just accepts it with a smile.

But that day she was troubled by something, I can feel that. As she starts scribing these words on me:

Dear Diary

I don’t wanna do this anymore. I can’t see him dying anymore. I know that he knows that I am unfaithful to him but he still didn’t say a word to me ever. I know every time I lie to him, he dies a little more from inside. I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I am just feeling that I am taking his life away from him, like a murderer. I just wanna see him happy, but don’t know how? I just want a way out of this thing so that I can see him smiling again... I can’t see him dying anymore………but what to do?

As I read these I was shocked, coz I don’t know that this gal can b so emotional too and though she is not realizing but he loves that guy. Yeah, I know that it is the truth but I can’t raise my voice and say, “Hey stupid gal! He’s your guy for whom you are searching for.”

For next some days I only heard from her about daily routines only, but one day she was quite happy……

Dear Diary

Finally it’s over. Sam got a placement and he is finally moving to another city for the job. I am so excited, now he won’t have to be in pain coz of me. He will be freed from everything now……..all betrayals, all pain everything. He will get the life he deserved now, full of happiness and joy. Thanku Jesus. Thanku! Thanku! Thanku! Also I will be free to date anyone now…..yippeeee!!

I was not getting that what is the reason actually for her happiness, that she will be free to go on dates with anyone she wants or that Sam will be free from pain now. I got confused but thought that time will tell me what the original stuff is?

As expected she was happy for next some days but after that, she stopped going outside, to parties, to movies, everything…….

Dear Diary

I don’t know what’s happening with me. I am not feeling like doing anything. I am missing Sam a bit. Just a bit…..No may be a little more than a bit, or even more than that or may be more than just anything else in my life. But I should not behave like that; I mean I always wanted that then why I am miserable now. I don’t feel like dating anyone, I don’t feel partying, I just want to talk to him but don’t have his new number, neither he even called once. Ok ok .I know he’s been to a new city, he will be busy in setting up the things there but at least he can call me once. Do I love him…..??? No!!!! That can’t be the truth; he’s not that perfect guy. But yeah may be he’s just better than anyone else….Ohh I am so so confused……lemme go and catch some sleep. Yeah that will be better…. (She closed the diary, went to bed, but again jumped back and opened it) Do you really think that I love him???

Oh oh oh , so that’s what I was expecting from this gal, I know she will take some more time to accept it but still at least she realizes the thing now. I thought that everything will settle soon.

But for next some days I didn’t hear anything from her. I was totally puzzled that what can be the reason for this, but I really can’t figure that now and when finally she came, she was looking miserable. She was looking so pathetic that I just wish to stretch my arms and give her a hug and ask the reason for her this miserable cond. but damn I can’t do that. She started telling me a tragedy:

Dear Diary

(Two pearls from her fell from her eyes & make me wet)

Everything is over now. I never realized that he loves me more than anyone else can do and I always keep on searching for the thing that is just in front of my eyes. But now it’s too late for me to realize all this, as he has surrendered to his family pressure of getting engaged and is engaged to some gal. How can he do so with me?? He said he loves me a lot……..but I never make him mine. No!!! That gal can never care for him in the way like I do…..but may be she will also not give him any pain and at least she will care single heartedly for him. But can he live without me……..of course, in last days when I was with him, I too didn’t spend so much time with him so he is quite used to it. Can I live without him??? No!!! Not at all!!! But I deserve this only , I always give him pain, though I never want but still for a stupid girl like me this should be the only fate……What should I do??? I have no one else except him…..???......But I will never tell him all this as I don’t want to spoil his life anymore………let him get all happiness at least………..

If I had my way, I will never let her do this mistake coz I know that guy will also be happy without her, ever in his life but who will make this understand to this gal. She never told her anything, and finally the guy gets married. It’s been many months, but still the sorrow was intact with her and I can’t do anything to cheer her up. I just wish she had shared all these feelings with some close friend who can save her from this fate……..

I just want to ask one question???

Why you people trust a non-living thing like me so much instead of real life friends, may be if you trust them more than me then you will be saved from many drastic things and I can be free of pain that I know everything, still I am bound not to do or say anything……the pain that always make me remind that I am non-living…………….

So think about it before answering me……..

See you

Your Personal Diary

( P.S – This is my little effort of understanding the gals…….I know not an easy task but tried a lot to understand their feelings a bit through this post )

(P.P.S – Make friends to share feelings instead of keeping it up to you only)


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