It's already been 15 days since the last year ,2009 has bidden goodbye to us and 2010 has made entry in our lives, but my exams were at special times, thus i am away. Although I am thankful to my exams as first 12 days of my year has gone in studying. So not at all a bad starting for 2010, with books in my hand and loneliness in my mind...........

Here's something in memory of 2009, writing anything after about 2 months, don't know how will it be....?

The year has finally bid goodbye

But deep in my heart it will always stand by

Neither for happiness it has showered

Nor for the sadness it has poured

But for the sake of humanity being again awaken

And the lonely man i have again become

My world has turned upside-down

Amidst which i am standing just like a clown

Watching all the proceedings goin on

My little sand house blowing on

I can not bear this anymore

My sea of frustration has risen above the shore

Alterations have started coming in me

Making me the guy that world wants me to be

I have lost my own self identity

And turned into an indistinguishable entity

In this way loneliness haunts me

Snatching humanity that i carry with me

Each and every moment i mourn for my loss

And all this let evil forces become my boss

But year end was not at all the same

Something has again brighten my inner flame

The flame that remembered me myself

I felt like being rescued by a magical elf

My shattered confidence has came back

Making me strong

Making me indestructible

Giving me back the original me

I still mourn for my loss sometimes

But that pain doesn't make me weak anymore

P.S : Happy New Year 2010 to everyone.........

NOTHING IS WRITTEN IN OUR HANDS

Hmmmmm

I am not an astrologer ,neither a great priest, nor a renowned person who has very high thinking…….

I am just a normal person, like you, like every common Indian. I think in the way you thinks, I believe the things you believe. In our country, there’s a very old belief that our whole destiny is written in our hands. That’s why whenever we have some problem in our life, either it is related to money or health or education, we go to some astrologer or priest or anyone in whom we have faith. They first see our hand, to read our life.

But I don’t believe in it. It’s not that I am non-believer from birth, but from my life I have learned one thing, that it is right that our destiny is in our hands but it is not correct that it is in the lines of our hands ( hamari taqdeer hamare haathon mein hoti hai, hamare haath ki lakeeron mein nahin)

I mean , whatever effort we put we get it’s result. May be the result we are getting is not 100% but it may be 90% or 80% or 70%. But we can never guess that what result are we getting coz we never know what is 100%. May be we are getting 70% result or our efforts but we can’t compare coz we never know what is 100%. So the only way of achieving success is putting more efforts…………

Some people believe in whatever that is written in their hands, that’s why they just do what someone who has read his palm has told him, and they think that whatever they are achieving in complete, is not lacking anything. For that they even reject the field of their interest and even sometimes reject big opportunities, but they never realize that may be if they have taken the subject of their choice and made their carrier in that field, they will be at a place much higher then the place they are presently…………

So what I think is that, our destination, or achievement, our success , our destiny, everything is in our hands only. I am not here denying that God decides everything, but may be he wants to reach us at Mt.Everest but by believing in the lines of our hands we just never try for that path, we only try for reaching at Kanchenjunga(a lower peak then Everest). So our efforts only decide our final destination………..Our hardwork , Our intellect of choosing the right path, our determination these are the things that decide our future………………

In end I just want to say these beautiful lines by a great men I meet once:

Bekhudi Ki Zindagi Hum Jiya Nahin Kartey

Jaam Haathon Se Cheenkar Piya Nahin Kartey

In Haathon ki Lakeeron Ka Bharosa Mat Kar Mere Dost

Kyunki Taqdeer To Unki Bhi Hoti Hai Jinkey Haath Nahin Hua Kartey…………..

The Dark Forest

Hi friends

Actually today, I have realized what pranks life can play with us and that how much you can get from life when you are on edge of losing yourself. I have realized now that how much happiness you feel when you think that you have lost something and suddenly you came to know that it was your illusion actually, you are gaining something. So I am writing something on that only.

What happen sometimes in life that things don’t go in a way that we have expected. The two roads might be going towards the same goal but may be through different paths. But we sometimes unknowingly enter the path less traveled by, leaving behind the main path leading towards our goal. When such things happen, we started feeling that life is taking us away from our goal and that we are getting lost. We try to turn around but the path has got lost till that time and a fear starts developing in us. The darkness on that path and the loneliness there makes our that fear more profound, and sooner we started believing that now we have lost the path and nothing can’t be done now, we will never reach to our final goal now. At that time the person gets confused in just everything and only negative thoughts seem to overcome his mind. He started thinking what worst can happen now and even sometimes prepare itself for it .He was at the verge of loosing all hope , all aspirations and just everything as that dark forest is getting deeper, thicker and darker but suddenly something shines through his eyes. He tried to keep that glare away from him by keeping his hand in front of eyes but he is not able to stop it and as he looks it completely, it was a ray of hope .It was the bright sunlight that’s guiding him forward now. The dark forests have ended and he now started seeing the road that got missed by him, before entering the forests. So he start moving towards his goal , on his way forward he face many troubles but all of them are nothing in front of that dark forest so he calmly cross all of them as he has the confidence of overcoming the dark forest . So when he finally reach his goal , he realizes that if he might have not entered that dark forest then may be these troubles will not become so easy to overcome for him. Thus although that dark forest scares you to death but trespassing that forest is really an important part of your journey as without that your journey will always remain incomplete.
So never fear of that dark side through which life is taking you just face it as boldly as you can, because

“Darkness is nothing but the absence of light and just one single ray of light will destroy it”

Importacne Of Defeats

This is my first post here .Actually posting anything first time in any blog.
This is a kind of story that will greet you with a situation which i think 90% of people of my age group faces .So this is just to give u an idea what actually are our defeats made for.
so here it is:

What are my defeats ???
That I can’t perform in class 10 or that I can’t perform again in 12th or that when I dint get any good result in my first attempt of Engineering Entrance Exams or that one when even trying so much harder I even get worse results in Entrance Exams next year.
I don’t know what are they but they have defeated me, they have left me starving and force me to think ,
Is it really doesn’t matter how much effort I put I will be landed in the same results???
Is defeat has become my destiny in watever work I do???
Is I have lost that person in me who was once a winner???
Is that spirit has completely lost which keep me forcing to keep up with my results for seven continuous years???
Where that person gone who never say die to any situation???
Where that person gone who always see a ray of light in every damn situation???
Where?? Where??

Actually , after the results of my drop year and landing in a place where I never wanna be .I have no answer for all of these questions .I was so hopeless , so much disturbed , so much exhausted ,without any aim left in my mind , without any dreams left in my eyes. I just don’t know what I will do now?? What I wanna do ?? Know nothing .Just Nothing.

I am always a good counselor for others , not that I am boasting myself but I really know that , but another fact is that I can’t counsel myself ever. Actually noone can counsel himself as when you try to do that you always get confused in your views only .But at that time I am really in a need of another me ,who can tell me where I went wrong , who can support me .My parents are there with me but the support that a person in my condition wants can be given by a person of my age group only but that person I never get.
So finally I decided to put all the blame on destiny and with that attitude I entered in my college life.
There my approach was different totally coz I wanna change myself completely. I wanna kill myself and become like others ,who never studied as hard as I did but still are in a better place than me. And I succeeded in that too .From College’s first day my approach was to do masti ,enjoy life and keep away from studies as far as possible. Made a good group there with whom bunked classes , played basketballs in class timings and every other sort of fun, Movies , Mc Donalds ,etc .Just everything. Internals came and go , just study in internal days and get good marks. Really felt good .As first time I am putting less effort and getting more output. Where the first SEM go dint know ?? Actually when the semester exams came ,pata hi nahin chala. Then try to study but that habit was gone and with only that less study gave my exams and to my surprise even the exams gone very good. The result came and that was just amazing ,that I can not even believe.
But u know wad???
That result was my BIGGEST DEFEAT.
Its bigger then my bad 10th result , bitter den 12th one and worst then my drop year one.
Yes that’s the truth that I have found .This damn truth is hurting , very confusing and have no sense at all in eyes of people who are around us.
But truth is always in that form only. People just fear to face it.
Yes my first semester’s good results are my biggest defeat.
Why??
Lemme tell u. Wenever I get bad result I stood up with more confidence to face the next challenge. To show ,not to others , but just to me that I am not weak , I am not just a damn person lost in the world’s crowd. So every time I tried harder and failed .But that failure still is not complete failure coz that makes me strong internally , mentally and increases my confidence to face challenges.
But present result , it just asks me to keep doing what others are doing .To keep my identity lost in this crowd , to become just a damn engineer whose counting are in lakhs in our country.
To just not see any big dream as people like me will never get to that dream.To just be a stupid common man.

But when i took this result as my defeat ,this defeat again proves a teacher for me. It makes me realize that I am not a one from the crowd .It gives me the answer of my questions which at that time I dint get.
It tells me that No defeat is not your final destination , all these defeats you are facing coz you need strength for a much bigger thing.
It tell me that the person in me has gone nowhere , it is still with me and will remain there always just I am not allowing him to come out with full energy.
It tells me that I have not stopped dreaming neither my aims get destroyed from my mind , just the fact is that I am not letting them talk to me.
So again this defeat gives me a ray of hope , a motive to live my life , a new challenge to be completed and most important it has given me myself back.

So with this new energy ,with this new motivation I am again riding on the horse to chase my dreams ,with sword in my hand and eye on my aim ,What happen if I fall again in this race while fighting with any obstacle in between , What happen if I get bruises of evil words of criticization of people around me , but all this can never stop me from moving forward , may be they can slow me down but my every fall and my every bruise will strengthen me and made me more desperate for my destination .As now there is no end for me because I have understood that:

""No defeat is final & no bruise is permanent ,
Until U reach Ur Final Goal and break it into Fragments.""