Lyf Is Unpredictable

Baby Don't Know Why...?

2011-08-10T13:44:00.000-07:00

Days and night go on and on

When i was thinking about this song

Coz i just want to say something

But when you come i just go missing

There's a reason

Why all this happen

It's just not a co-incidence

Baby don't know why

You never understand that

I can't love no one else

No matter how far

You go away from me

Only you will be my strength

I've been with you from so so long

Still why with you i don't belong

I know you've been through hard times

But what i've to do with this crime

Let go the past

Embrace my love

Try and give me a single chance

Baby don't know why

You never understand that

I can't love no one else

No matter how far

You go away from me

Only you will be my strength............

Random feelings 5

2011-07-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

Tere saath nahin, par tere pass hu main

Tere dil me basa ek pyaara sa ehsaas hu main

Maana ki mujhse ruthi hui h aaj tu

Fir bhi tere liye sabse khaas hu main.....

P.S: No translation this time, coz its going too bad......

Random feelings 4

2011-07-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

Aisi kya khata hui mujhse aey zindagi

Jiski mujhe baar baar sazaa mili

Apno ke shabdon ne roz thoda thoda maara

Ek baar mein sukoon ki maut kyun nahin mili...

*******

Hey life! What was my such a mistake

For which i get punished again and again

Loved one's words' kill me bit by bit daily

Why didn't I just get a peaceful death

Random feelings 3

2011-06-27T05:06:00.000-07:00

Har Gham To Hans Ke Seh Gaye Hum

Par Kahin Ye Akhiri Sazaa Na Ho

Zindagi Se Tab Mohabbat Na Ho Jaye

Jab Zindagi Bachi Na Ho

********

I bore every pain with a smile

But it mustn't be my last punishment

That I fell in love with my life

When it isn't much left

Random feelings 2

2011-06-11T06:15:00.000-07:00

Yuhin apni zindagi se nikal faikna tha

Toh zindagi mein aake jeena kyun sikhaya

Kam se kam humen ye shikwa to ni hoti

Ki hamara bi koi apna tha

**********

If you have to throw me out of your life like this

Then why you make me realize what life is

At least i don't have a pain that

I too have someone who is mine

Would you ever know ?

2011-06-07T04:27:00.001-07:00

Why you lie to me, when you know I know you more than you do

Why you become upset, when you know I can bring that smile back

Why you want to be alone, when you know I won’t let you enjoy loneliness

Why you start ignoring me, when you know you can’t hide your tears from me

Why?

Just why?

Would you ever know, that your every lie gives me a fresh wound

Would you ever know, that your sadness made my world to stop

Would you ever know, that your loneliness leaves me deserted

Would you ever know, that your tears crash my whole world

Would you ever know?

P.S: One of the beautiful part of life is when you have a person who cares for you no matter who you are.........

Blind Trust

2011-06-03T12:48:00.000-07:00

I can not trust you blindly

But doubting on you, is doubting on myself.......

Random feelings 1

2011-05-04T00:39:00.000-07:00

Jab jindagi se koi umeed nain rhi thi

Tab tune haath pakadkar jeena sikhaya

Agar yuhin saath chodke jaana tha ek din, mere dost

Toh kyun is rote hue dil ko hasna sikhaya......

*********

When all expectations from life has been washed away

You were the one who show me how to live

If you too have to leave like this one day, my friend

Then why you made this crying heart learn how to smile......

P.S : Random thoughts really taking a toll on me...

Friendship.....

2011-04-25T19:12:00.000-07:00

Friendship is not always only about :

- Being a shoulder for the friend to cry on

- Being a teddy to be hugged in sadness and happiness

- Being a personal diary to hold the darkest secrets

- Being the only medicine for heartaches

But it's also about being the silent guardian who takes care of you 24*7 without showing even after death.........

P.S: Have no ideas to write upon coz i am really screwed big time......just have written few lines on friendship so thought of sharing it...

Can't Escape Changes Anymore

2011-01-19T11:53:00.000-08:00

That's it now

It's been a long time now, indeed a very long time

That i am escaping the changes that are coming my way

I was always a believer who believes in being himself

But i don't think i will be able to keep this faith any longer

Many a times i had survived the edges and rise

But this time i wanna dive deep into the darkness

And never return

It's just a new person that's going to arise now

The person i have kept chained for years

But when faith breaks, chains got loosened

And eventually led to break down

P.S: I never wanna go this fucking way but i think accepting this naked truth is the only choice i am left with

P.P.S: I am really offended for using this "f" word but i can't keep it off my writing anymore.Those who can't withstand please i am really helpless now.

Still Searching....

2010-12-24T23:42:00.000-08:00

I wanna hate, but i can't

I wanna love, but i can't

I wanna trust, but i can't

I wanna betray, but i can't

I wanna win, but i can't

I wanna loose, but i can't

I still wanna live, but i can't

i wanna give up and die, but i can't

Coz fate's never been on my side and never allows me to get what i want

That's why i am a loner still searching for many answers !!

P.S: Merry Christmas to all of my readers......

Something Silly

2010-12-17T23:14:00.000-08:00

I can't think of any other better name for it, coz its really silly to write letter to santa at this age .Infact i haven't written any letter to santa at all......But this time coz its a challenge sort of thing by a kiddo, sonshu so m taking it....

So here is my wishlist that i would want to get fulfilled:

1. My mom's good health(if only this too get fulfilled i don't care for any other wish)

2. An AUDI A4

3. A lappy with the config i have in mind

4. As i am too confused abt wad to do to become what i want, i want a "Map sort of thing" that can only tell me from where i have to start (i don't want to reach their directly as it mars its enjoyment i just want someone to show me the path)

5. Got rid of a bad habit ( :P habit can't b disclosed)

6. A private gym with a trainer

7. An invisible cloak (that would really be awesome to have)

Dat's all for now.......lets see if any of them gets fulfilled....

P.S: I am just waiting to see is first time letters ever answered?

First Dance - Tagged again

2010-11-07T02:46:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by zave and sonshu for this, nd finally I thought of doing it as I haven’t completed a tag from a long tym……

I exactly get the answers matching for some questions below, and even to some ques whom answer I am searching. May b destiny has its own ways…..

Here it goes:

Rules::

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, IPOD etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS

1. If someone asks you, “are you okay ? ?” you say:

No Love - Eminem

(Don’t know exactly but may be that myt b an answer)

2. How would you describe yourself ?

So Bad – Eminem

(Haven’t ever thought that this will come up, exactly the truth that’s goiin to happen)

3. What do you like in a guy/girl ?

Seduction - eminem

(No comments :P)

4. How do you feel today ?

Love the way you lie – eminem

(That’s the way I feel sometimes buut not xactly tday)

5. What is your life’s purpose ?

You and me – Justin bieber

(yeah that myt b a purpose too ;)

6. What’s your motto ?

Going through changes – eminem

(absolutely ryt boss…..dun’t knw shuffling cn give answers to u sumtyms)

7. What do your friends think of you ?

Tears don’t fall – Bullet for my valentine

(only they can answer it better)

8. What do your parents think of you?

Say goodbye to Hollywood - eminem

(no sense of it at all, but wad cn I do)

9. What do you think of often ?

That should be me - JB

(another direct hit, really I think somethings r definitely nt planned by us)

10. What is 2 + 2 ?

U smile - JB

(again nt makin ne sense here)

11. What do you think of your best friend ?

Without me – eminem

(well this myt b close to abt 75%)

12. What is your life story ?

Business - eminem

(lolll never think lyk dat)

13. What do you want to be when you grow up ?

Say what you say - eminem

(no idea)

14. What do you think when you see the person you like ?

Don’t go – JLS

(again a destined truth, hw cn dat happen yaar…..unbelievable)

15. What will you dance to at your wedding 4th anniversary?

Kiss and tell - JB

(lolll dat vl make a good song though)

16. What will they play at your funeral ?

Someboldy to love - JB

(I wud love if dey play “In The End – LP” but this is not bad though)

17. What is your hobby/interest ?

Angel – flipside

(no idea again abt it)

18. What is your biggest fear ?

Missing – flipside

(may b I fear of loosing my loved ones a lot)

19. What is your biggest secret ?

Happy birthday – flipside

(hv to think myself abt it :P )

20. What do you want right now ?

You and me - JB

(yeah I myt need a gf nw ;)

(@ zave wad u say :P )

21. What do you think of your friends?

Drips – eminem

(nt lyk dat atleast)

22. When you want to rush to the toilet, what do you think ?

Love me – JB

(:P atleast nt dat)

23. Person you hate the most is in front of you, what will you tell the person ?

Runaway – LP

(dats true I guess coz my anger lemme loose ma control)

24. You have just won a lottery. What will you sing ?

Down to earth – JB

(dat wud b a ryt at dat tym )

25. What will you post this as?

First dance – JB

(yeah may b coz I hv eagerly taken a tag aftr a long long tym)

I would love to tag Naina, Raaji ,Satyu and shas

P.S: Nowadaz I am having Eminem most in ma songs list, it wud b much fun if have a lot odr songs

Life's Not Over YET !!!!

2010-10-12T13:24:00.000-07:00

A long holiday from college give me ample time to think about things.....

Everything was seeming to fall apart, and things aren't under control still at this time...

But thin long gap has made me realize that may be giving up isn't the only choice i have

Yeah, it's the most easy one at this time though

But keep moving is another alternative

May be still i am afraid of failures that might follow me in future

And past is haunting me again with full power

Still somewhere i have gained strength to stand

Until i am tormented in pieces by all pressures

So i am going to try till my last breath

Until my life's over

And if i am back here, then

Life's not over yet.....

P.S: i am back on blogger,still not regularly though, but i feel that's the place i can't ignore in my life...

Behind That Smile

2010-08-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

Smile

A very pretty thing

People say that it can ease all your problems

But is it does so actually?

At least never does for me

I always bear a smile on my face

No matter what’s happening

But it don’t part from my face

That led people to think in different ways about me

Some think that I am cool….

Some others think I have no tension

Others have a view that I have become too casual

Some even say that I am too arrogant and egoist

But

No one ever knows that this is just a portrait smile

No one has noticed that it’s just of the fixed size always

Coz it just hide all that’s beneath it

All agony, pain, frustration, disappointments

Just everything

And I don’t have a single person who can see it

I have broken many times in the past

But have stood up every time

But everything has a limit

I am no superhero who has infinite courage

I am too human

I too feel pain

I too feel helplessness

I too want someone’s shoulder to cry on

I want some one to tell me what should I do?

Where should I head now?

I am too exhausted to stand by myself again

But

Yeah my life’s full of this “BUT”

I am saying all this is vain

I know that

Coz there’s no one to hear

I know my fate would never be grateful to me

And this time I am just getting buried

With a faster pace

Yeah, but still with that smile on my face

That fixed portrait smile

So everyone can again make their own judgments

about me standing by my cascade

I just wish at least a single person ever know “who was I actually?”

But I think no one can ever read the real face

Behind that smile.

(P.S: Its one the random thoughts that going on in my mind right now........can't help putting it out.)

Friendship....

2010-08-01T05:31:00.000-07:00

It's not just about laughing at silly jokes,

It's also about sharing a shoulder to cry

It's not just about going on trips and enjoy,

It's also about holding your hand when things are falling apart

It's not just about doing mischievous things together,

It's about standing by your side when whole world is against you

It's not just about yesterday,today or tomorrow,

It's about being friends till the end

It's not just about friendship,

its about the friendship we share....

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY

Someone has to fight.....

2010-07-21T14:37:00.000-07:00

I can't back off now

I just can't

No matter how many tears my girl sheds

Coz I am leaving her alone now

But the path i have chosen

Demands me without any deviations

Without any emotions

Without any other priorities in life

It Just needs complete me.

A hard rock that can bear every pressure

I am not sure my path is sane or not

But i know i have to walk on it

Coz no one else will ever do it.

May be i get hatred and criticism in return

Or may be i loose even myself forever

But the step i have taken is inevitable

As the night has grown much darker now

And someone has to

Has to fight

For the dawn

Caught Behind The Mirror

2010-06-24T14:34:00.000-07:00

Mirror

What an amazing creation?

It depicts our reflection in itself

Which shows us our true-selves

No matter what others are blabbering about you

Criticising you or appreciating you

Truth can always be seen in the mirror

In other words

It shows us our souls

From which we can't hide anything

But what when we are caught on the other side of it

From where we can't see any reflection

Coz we ourselves are the reflection now

We can't feel anything now

Noone's warmth

Noone's love

Just nothing

Can just see everyone passing by

It feels as if our soul has been snatched

It feels like getting trapped

Only our impression is on the mirror

Which is invisible to the outside world.......

Drug Named "LOVE"

2010-06-09T14:32:00.000-07:00

I am fighting with this poison from many years

The poison thats destroying our youth

Which is making them a slave of itself

But i am encapsuled in its arms today

As nothing else might suffice for me now

Nothing else gives me strength to shoulder this grief

The grief of killing my own love

My love that's most precious for me

For me, a loner who is devoid of love

But i have no choice

Coz she's the one who is behind all this

Behind all the drug trafficking going on

And i can't let her carry on

Carry on this dirty business

And playing with life of innocent people

I did nothing wrong, but her last words

Words that she said while dying in my arms

"I am more addicted to your...........LOVE "

Words that echo in my head all day long

Coz i am a killer of myself

This poison business is totally eradicated now

But some of this poison is still with me

Getting accumulated in my blood

I might have won the battle against drugs

But i myself lost against the drug named "LOVE"

P.S: Feelings of an officer who eradicated drug trafficking but himself get encaptured in this poison..........

What I Never Said.....

2010-05-07T15:29:00.000-07:00

I never meant to break your heart

Neither i ever want to leave you alone

But i have no choice

Coz from "You" and "Me"

I can only select "You"

And i know that's the right choice

May be you'll never know the truth

May be you'll hate me for the rest of your life

But i don't care

Coz what i care for, is now secure

"You" defines me

"You" completes me

Non-existence is much better than being................ incomplete

(p.s: i don't know what's going on in my mind, but please bear it if you don't like it, coz i am totally messed up nowadays......)

WHEN IT NO LONGER MATTERS

2010-04-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

Vritika is in a great mood today. She has been promoted to a higher post and has bagged a handsome salary hike. One other reason for her smiling face being her parents’ accepting her idea of meeting her love’s parents’. Everything was going just perfect for her.

At day's end, as usual she opens up gmail, to share this information with all her friends.

As soon as the gmail popped up in front of her eyes, her smile gets a little faded coz the first mail in her inbox was an e-card from her ex-best friend Prasoon.

They both have been best friends till graduation but as a little mis-understanding always proved fatal for any relationship, same proves here breaking that strong bond. Prasoon had tried many times to persuade her to listen him, but he can’t succeed.

With time things become a little better and they decided to remain casual friends.Thus, now they exchange "hellos" and a little "how are you" stuff only ….

She calmed herself & her finger banged on the delete button,as she don’t wanna spoil her mood today……

A WEEK LATER

Vratika was sitting idle on her lappy and she realized that she hadn’t received any scraps from Prasoon from last many days, further looking in sb makes her aware that he hasn’t been in touch from last 2-3 months…..she faintly remember a day, when she was busy in a meeting arnd 20 days back ,she got a call from him but she cant accept it and then she forget about that ,coz she's too busy with her own life. Her heart was little worried and started pouncing.She quickly opened gmail & went to delete mails folder and hesitatingly opened that old e-card……..

It’s a beautiful card showing some beautiful moments between two friends and in last saying “Bye Forever”. She was shocked and confused,simultaneously…..and her mouth uttered “what th hell is that”.

Then her eyes gazed at the personal message beyond th card, but she can’t stop cursing herself after reading that:

If you get this e-card, it means I am no more in this world…….I know may be you take it as a joke from my side, but this time its true…..so much true that even after so desperately wanting to be with you right now and laugh at these words........I can not……..

Well, I got an injury last year and that will exaggerate to the extent that it will devoid me of my life, I haven’t ever imagined that. Finally, I am flowing to America for my last surgery in which my chances of returning are very less.So I used this card to tell you my ought to be last words that I can’t say directly.

I miss you a lot dear….really , I can’t tell how I am leading my life without my best friend by my side.I miss sharing all those stupid secrets and the small fights that occur almost daily and those college bunks and consoling you when you feel low after scoring badly and that dish that you once cooked all by yourself and................ huhhhh, there's so much of those sweet memories.

You know what trouble me most is that all this came to an end just coz you started loving me and I can’t accept you more than as a best friend and you started thinking that I just used you. I can’t even think in that way ever ……But you never geve me.a chance to explain all this to you.I just wish I can see you & talk with you one last time before leaving, but it seems quite an impossible task but still I will call you for sure before going to the OT ,may be you pick up this time. So that's all crap i wanna utter before you, hope i can see this letter again and laugh at it sitting next to you.Lastly, i would like to say these:

No matter wherever i go

I will always remain by your side

If life remains, then as a supporting shoulder

And if not,then as the wind, that around you glide.

I wish you get all the success & happiness in life .

With all the world’s happiness and regards

Your so called best friend

Prasoon

She got wet in the rainfall of her own tears and sadness, but all that remorse can't undone the things.All possible may be's come in her mind, but she can't get positive result of any of them...........Now, she was left with only memories of him.Prasoon always say : "Friendship between a guy and a gal is a blessing, unless it turns to an one sided love", she always take it as a joke but understand it's meaning now, at a time when it no longer matters.

There's No Dawn For Me

2010-03-01T12:02:00.000-08:00

I am fighting

And fighting

With this darkness from a long long time.

Again I get bruised, broken and defeated

But making the enemy more weaker

I am so desperate for dawn that I keep trying

Again and again and again

Why??

Why???

Even after putting so much effort

Bearing so much pain

Shedding so much blood

I can’t reach for the dawn till now??

This question was unanswered as always

But a hope that next battle will be the last one

Drives power in my broken body

Battle gets fiercer every time

Demanding more of my blood

And giving more bruises

But this time things get in my control

And finally I won

Yes, I get passed from the darkness

And rode the path leading to the dawn

My victory was sweet but some what bitter too

As I was standing at the line separating

Dark night and the dawn

I see backward and remembered

Whenever darkness was occupied with me

Many weak people who were trapped in darkness

From a long time

Reach for their destination

Easily, effortlessly and

Without shedding their blood

Is it really worth to reach for the dawn??

My absence from darkness means

Many of them will remain trapped in darkness forever

Though my presence in dawn doesn’t matter for anyone

But my presence in darkness

Ensures a safe passage for many

These thoughts overpower my desperation for dawn.

I took a closer look at the dawn and said, “Next time”

I return back

Back to the battle ground

Back to my armors and swords

Coz I realized that the real battle has just begun

All my questions were answered today

As deep inside I now know that:

“There’s Never A Dawn For Me”

Loneliness Doesn't Haunt Me Anymore

2010-02-06T03:52:00.001-08:00

Locked inside a dark room

My nerves were down

My eyes filled with fear

My face seems pale

Was looking around the dark room

With lost hopes

And shattered dreams

Loneliness haunts me

Suddenly the door opened

Some light blinded my eyes

Beneath the light was a girl

To me she seems like snow white

She clinched my hand

And bring me to outer world

To my surprise

It dusn’t seem so worse

Lyf has changed completely

In an instant of time

Sorrows get replaced by happiness

And tears with smile

To me it’s a new beginning

With a new hope and thinking

My world seems blessed

With a friend like that

The sun sets again

And snatched light from my life too

The person who give me light

Left me alone in that dark night

I tried to figure out the things

But all goes in vain

As my life again proves to me

That its all about losses more than gain

Tired and broken I came back

Thinking of the reasons

That gave me this setback

The light turned off

The room gets bolted

I was sitting on the floor like before I did

My eyes were glittering

My face was strong

No more sorrows

No more pain

Coz

Loneliness doesn’t haunt me anymore

2010-01-15T06:07:00.001-08:00

It's already been 15 days since the last year ,2009 has bidden goodbye to us and 2010 has made entry in our lives, but my exams were at special times, thus i am away. Although I am thankful to my exams as first 12 days of my year has gone in studying. So not at all a bad starting for 2010, with books in my hand and loneliness in my mind...........

Here's something in memory of 2009, writing anything after about 2 months, don't know how will it be....?

The year has finally bid goodbye

But deep in my heart it will always stand by

Neither for happiness it has showered

Nor for the sadness it has poured

But for the sake of humanity being again awaken

And the lonely man i have again become

My world has turned upside-down

Amidst which i am standing just like a clown

Watching all the proceedings goin on

My little sand house blowing on

I can not bear this anymore

My sea of frustration has risen above the shore

Alterations have started coming in me

Making me the guy that world wants me to be

I have lost my own self identity

And turned into an indistinguishable entity

In this way loneliness haunts me

Snatching humanity that i carry with me

Each and every moment i mourn for my loss

And all this let evil forces become my boss

But year end was not at all the same

Something has again brighten my inner flame

The flame that remembered me myself

I felt like being rescued by a magical elf

My shattered confidence has came back

Making me strong

Making me indestructible

Giving me back the original me

I still mourn for my loss sometimes

But that pain doesn't make me weak anymore

P.S : Happy New Year 2010 to everyone.........

Kabhi Main Bhi Insan Hua Karta Tha / I Used To Be A Human Once

2009-11-08T09:25:00.000-08:00

Ek samay tha jab main bhi jiya karta tha

Kuch sapne aankhon mein liye rakhta tha

Par aaj yaad aata hai wo zamana

Jab main bhi insaan hua karta tha

Is seene mein ek chota sa dil tha

Jo kisi ke liye dhadka kiya karta tha

Par humen mila sirf dard-e-ishq

Wo to kisi aur se mohabbat kiya karta tha

Fir aaj us mohabbat ne yaad dilaya

Ki kabhi main bhi insaan hua karta tha

Doston ke har dard ko unse pehle

Mujhse hokar gujarna padta tha

Par wo dost bhi mujhey ye kehkar tanhan chod gaye

ki tu to hamari bas ek zarurat hua karta tha

Wo tanhan raatein aaj ehsaas karati hain

Ki ek zamane mein main bhi insaan hua karta tha

Duniya har pal mere saath hoti thi

Jab main kaamyabi ke shikhar pe hua karta tha

Par jab-jab thokar khake gira us shikhar se

Mujhe rone ke liye kandha bhi nahin milta tha

Un aansu bhari aankhon ki kasam

Tab main bhi insaan hua karta tha

Aaj ye dil pathar ho chuka hai

Fir bhi mere liye sabka dil dhadakta hai

Mere liye dosti mehez shabd se zyada kuch nahin rahi ab

Fir bhi har koi mujhse dosti ke liye tarasta hai

Ab insaniyat se koi waasta nahin raha mera

Fir bhi har koi mujhe behtar insaan samajhta hai

Is sab ko dekhkar mein hanskar khud se sawal karta hun

Kyun main kabhi ek insaan hua karta tha??

*****************************

Once upon a time I too used to live

Having some dreams in my eyes

But today I remember that world

When I used to be a human

There was a small heart behind my chest

That used to beat for someone

But I got only pain of love

Coz she used to love someone else

But today that love made me remember

At that time I too used to be a human

All the pain of my friends

Have to pass through me before reaching them

Those friends too leave me alone by saying

That I used to be a mere need of them

Those lonely nights made me realize

At a time I too used to be a human

World was with me always

When I am touching the heights of success

Whenever I fell from that height

I never get a shoulder to even cry

I swear those tear-filled eyes

I used to be human at that time

Today my heart has become rock

Still people’s heart beat for me

Friendship does not remain more than a word for me now

Still everyone desire to become my friend

I don’t have any relation with humanity now

Still the whole world assumes me to be a good and better human

Seeing all this I laugh and ask one question to myself

Why I used to be a human at a time??

Why I used to be a human at a time??

Price Of Not Trusting Him

2009-10-10T06:26:00.000-07:00

It is around 11 in night & its raining cats and rain from last 4 days. The lightning was roaring like a wounded lion. Everyone was waiting for this weather to change so that life can turn back on track, people are trapped inside their houses but on the terrace of a 13 Floor building, someone is not cared about it, someone is just trying to hide his broken soul in this lunatic climate. A guy in his early 20’s, was drinking there from the evening.

While taking his first drink, he remembered:

“She: Hey you are the best thing I have ever had in my life, how will I take care of things if you are not with me. You are really a best friend that everyone just dreams of.”

With next one:

“He: I have heard something happen during dance practice today for fest?

She: Arey my dance partner, Alok, he tried to touch me here and there while dancing, I gave him a tight slap and disciplinary committee is too acting against him.

He: I will not leave that bastard, I will…………

She (interrupting him): Don’t do anything yaar, I don’t want you to fall in any trouble and action is taken against him na, so calm down.”

Making another shot of vodka:

“She: Mmmmmm.I have to confess something, but yaar please don’t get angry on this, promise me first.

He: Okk promise.

She: mmmmm actually, I was talking with a guy, I mean with Rohit from last one month. He is really a very nice guy, I have gone on lunch with him too, many times……….actually he proposed me and I have said “Yes”.

He: What?? All this is going from so many days and you are telling me now……..What is this yaar? I mean you hide things from me too…………

She: You have promised something….

He: Ok ok but…….Congrats!!! Yaar.......I wish you two have a great life.”

As he finished another glass:

“She: Yaar today is Rohit’s birthday and he is giving a party at his place, but I am very very ill, I want you to take my gift and give it to him personally…….plzzzzzzz”

“At rohit’s place:

Rohit: You have brought that pill, I have asked for. Once, this go inside her and she gets unconscious, then we both will fuck that bitch. Let her know the consequences of getting you suspended from college.

Alok: You are a true friend dude. I will make her mms too; let everyone see the punishment of that bitch Our plan is nearing the end.”

While routing the whole bottle towards his mouth:

“She: How dare you touch him? He has told me everything……….He is in hospital with so many broken parts…….I have send you for what and you have done what…..

He: But listen to me yaar………he is ……..

She : I just don’t want to listen anything………he has told me many times that you hate him and see him weirdly but I never believe……..I wish I had…..

He: But he was planning to rape you……….

She slapped him in front of everyone, “I never know that you will become so cheap to separate us. I was cursing the day I have made you my friend……….Just get lost from here and never show me your face again…….

He: But…….

She: Just go to hell………..”

With every drink, he was remembering the past…….and bang his fist on the table. His salty tears were getting mixed with the fresh rain water…………he was drinking continuously……

His tears stop and he move towards the edge of terrace, he looked towards heaven and murmured something. Take out his mobile, made a call…….it was disconnected from the other end. He again tried……..again disconnected. After 7 continuous attempts he succeeded

She: Why the hell you can’t let me peacefully?

He: Plz don’t hang up…….I am begging you. (his voice was showing his complete condition)

She: Have you drink?

He: That does not matter…..Actually nothing matters now (laughingly). I know everything is over but I just want to warn you……

She: So Again some new trick?

He: Please don’t hung up…….don’t do it…..don’t…..

She: You are not in a state, we will talk tomorrow….

He: No No No ……..Plz don’t hung up…….I don’t have tomorrow….I just want to say that ………yeah that I just always want to see you happy…………..

(pause)

She: Hello you there……..

He: yeah yeah yeah …………..don’t hung up please…….I just want you to get every happiness of the world…….

(a long pause)

Just stay away from that …….that Rohit……he is Alok’s friend……..and and not a right guy for you…..

You wish me to go to hell na……ha ha ha ha ha so granting you that too

Just take good care……..good care of yourself….

She: Hey don’t do…… (beep beep beep)

Phone disconnected, she tried many times but phone was switched off, The first thing she saw in morning news is:

“A guy, in his early 20’s, fell off the 13^th floor of a building and died on the spot .Further investigations showed that he was quite heavily drunk Most mysterious thing is a note obtained from his jeans having the words: Even court trust the word of a dying person, why don’t you trust mine? ”

P.S: Sometimes it's just not in our hands....we ourself forces us towards destruction.

P.P.S:We should not neglect friend's points when we fall in love...

What Was My Mistake ????

2009-09-21T02:55:00.000-07:00

It’s been many months now

The day we last spoken

In that same old warmth

And the same caring way

But things change so soon

And at times least expected

Sometimes changes brings smile to face

But sometimes just stab right at your heart

And that’s the unpredictability of life

By which no one can get apart

I still remember those small fights

Those helping ways and guiding lights

It was so much fun

And everything seem so bright

But as nothing lasts long here

I got sadness again in my share

But I still don’t regret coz

That’s the unpredictability of life

By which no one can get apart

You feel I don’t try to understand you

That you were never far away

Just a little busy with career things

Which no one can let escape

But I just have one question

Why that warmth has gone

May be we talk just for few mins

In that those memories can be re-grown

But the person who understand me

Without words didn’t do it this time

As that’s the unpredictability of life

By which no one can get apart

I just don’t want anything from life

I know neither I can get back that time

Nor will get back you

But I just want to know

Why someone comes to you

Makes you feel that world is not mean

And when you start believing this

They move out of your life

And let you asking yourself

What was my mistake?

But that’s the unpredictability of life

By which no one can get apart

P.S : I don’t know why I pen down all this boring stuff here, but my depressed mind want to let out some thing of it, and I don’t have any other place.

P.P.S: Not real, neither complete fiction…

My First Tag By "Jal Pari"

2009-09-10T03:12:00.000-07:00

Hi all friends.....

I have been tagged many days ago but i really can't get how to complete it as i am very very very bad in it......But finally i tried to complete it......

So here it is:

I Rule, You Rule, We Rule
The idea is, to list five items in each category and not necessarily in order of liking. You can always add or subtract categories according to your will. Then tag five lovely people to be the next ones to take this quiz.

Favorite words:

1.“Dumbo”: Well, this word is used most frequently by me for my best friend and thus keeping it in this list is quite obvious….

2.“Damn”: This word is my favorite as I lose my temper every now and then & at such times it is quite useful to avoid abusive language…….

3.“Yep”: Just like it…….

4.“Angel”: well that’s a secret…….: P

5.“Mmmmm”: I have to listen to many people’s problems daily, so it’s essential for me.

Favorite Characters (Fiction):

1.Wolverine: First, Hugh Jackman rockssssss……..really he looks damn good in it. This character always shows no matter whatever has happened in your past but your present actions will decide your future only………..

2.Ben Campbell (From movie “21”): Well, what a movie and what a guy this is. He went to Las Vegas two times, earn 300,000 $ and loose it both times. But still he gains a much valuable thing .an experience for a lifetime & nothing worth more than it ;)

3.Aditi (Jaane Tu Ya Jaane na) : Well Genu looks so cute in it……

4.Fox: Well, this character, played by Angelina Jolie in movie “Wanted” ,really inspired me a lot. This gal is an assassin who kills people as told by Fraternity. She do so as she believe if she miss their target then many innocent people’s life will be in danger and the best part she didn’t even pull her feet back when her name popped up ,and kills herself too.

5.Wesley Gibson: This character is played by James Mc Avoy in movie “Wanted”. He is a guy who is so much stressed by his life and keeps on searching to know who he is really.His life went drastic, up and downs & he was tricked by a group for killing his own father……..but he turns out of everything saying “This is me taking back control of my life. What the fuck have you done lately?” A guy who shows extreme courage and finally finds out answers of everything…………

Words That Should Be Banned:

1.“I love you” – What the damn meaning has become of this word. I can’t see insult of this word anymore that’s why.

2.“Nothing” – I want it especially for one of my net friends who uses it for my most questions…. :P

3.“Seriously” – I know most people use it when they are in a funny mood…. :D

4.“Chill“ – Especially when you are in a big trouble and some one says it :x

5.“Trustme” – No comments……. :P

Favorite one liner:

1.This is not the story of a bollywood movie; this is the damn real life

2.True love can never remain unpaired; it can only be left single for sometime

3.This is me taking back control of my life. What the fuck have you done lately?

4.Action speaks louder than words.

5.Either you change the world or this world changes you………choice is yours.

I really don’t know that these words are said by any great person or not, but I love these one liners, though some may be my creations only ;)

Favorite Books:

1.Five Point Someone by Chetan Bhagat: My first novel that I have ever read, completed it in 3-4 days and just loved it as it is related to IIT life, my unachieved dream. But who cares now…. :P

2.The Three Mistakes by Chetan Bhagat: Hmmm a great one. Read it continuously for eight hours before I ended it in 3 at night……..people hated it but I loved it as it relates to many dark truths of real life.

3.Tell Me Your Dreams by Sidney Sheldon: Send me in an e-book format by a very dear friend, one of the best I have read with such bold concept and having the suspense that take my nerves out.

4.Fundamental Of Physics By Resnick/Halliday/Walker: Amazed to see this name here….. :P .One of the finest books of physics, especially mechanics (My Love) and electrical. Read it a lot in JEE preparation days but still love to read some good portions again…..

5.Chacha Chaudhary: Lollllzzzzz……..

I Tag:

Shruti ,deepika ,pulkit ,whysoserioustoday & sats.......

Unheard Feelings Of A Personal Diary

2009-09-03T13:55:00.000-07:00

Hi friends. Many of you are quite familiar with me, talk with me daily, and share your sorrows, joy just everything with me but my bad luck is that I can never respond to you. I can never show my dancing heart when you are happy or my crying eyes when you are sad. Thinking who am I???

I am your personal diary. Yes, the same personal diary which was kept in your shelf or hidden underneath your clothes in almirah or kept between old books unused for several years, and many other hideouts so that no one can know your personal talks with me.

But I wanna say many things, express my feelings, give my suggestions and have many other things to say to you but I never get a chance. But today my heart is full of grief and wants to spill it out. Today I am here to tell you about a girl, whom I hate in beginning but now I just cry in her sadness everyday………..

This is the first thing she wrote on me:

Dear Diary

I don’t know what to do with my boyfriend Sam, he is just so sweet, caring & loves me a lot but I just can’t stick with him anymore. But he is not ready to do breakup, I mean I have tried everything but he just forgives me for all the things…..That’s why I have started dating other guys without his knowledge. Ooppsss what else can I do. I know he is such a stupid that he will never know, so I will solve both problems in this way. I just want to search a right guy but it always keeps avoiding me, but will find it some day.

All this just gives me an impression that how heartless girl she is, I was too angry that how can a girl do this with a guy who loves her so much. He is the right guy for whom she is searching but my words have no means to reach her. She keep on telling me about the every new guy she date but no one was right according to her and also about the false excuses that she gave to Sam and he just accepts it with a smile.

But that day she was troubled by something, I can feel that. As she starts scribing these words on me:

Dear Diary

I don’t wanna do this anymore. I can’t see him dying anymore. I know that he knows that I am unfaithful to him but he still didn’t say a word to me ever. I know every time I lie to him, he dies a little more from inside. I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I am just feeling that I am taking his life away from him, like a murderer. I just wanna see him happy, but don’t know how? I just want a way out of this thing so that I can see him smiling again... I can’t see him dying anymore………but what to do?

As I read these I was shocked, coz I don’t know that this gal can b so emotional too and though she is not realizing but he loves that guy. Yeah, I know that it is the truth but I can’t raise my voice and say, “Hey stupid gal! He’s your guy for whom you are searching for.”

For next some days I only heard from her about daily routines only, but one day she was quite happy……

Dear Diary

Finally it’s over. Sam got a placement and he is finally moving to another city for the job. I am so excited, now he won’t have to be in pain coz of me. He will be freed from everything now……..all betrayals, all pain everything. He will get the life he deserved now, full of happiness and joy. Thanku Jesus. Thanku! Thanku! Thanku! Also I will be free to date anyone now…..yippeeee!!

I was not getting that what is the reason actually for her happiness, that she will be free to go on dates with anyone she wants or that Sam will be free from pain now. I got confused but thought that time will tell me what the original stuff is?

As expected she was happy for next some days but after that, she stopped going outside, to parties, to movies, everything…….

Dear Diary

I don’t know what’s happening with me. I am not feeling like doing anything. I am missing Sam a bit. Just a bit…..No may be a little more than a bit, or even more than that or may be more than just anything else in my life. But I should not behave like that; I mean I always wanted that then why I am miserable now. I don’t feel like dating anyone, I don’t feel partying, I just want to talk to him but don’t have his new number, neither he even called once. Ok ok .I know he’s been to a new city, he will be busy in setting up the things there but at least he can call me once. Do I love him…..??? No!!!! That can’t be the truth; he’s not that perfect guy. But yeah may be he’s just better than anyone else….Ohh I am so so confused……lemme go and catch some sleep. Yeah that will be better…. (She closed the diary, went to bed, but again jumped back and opened it) Do you really think that I love him???

Oh oh oh , so that’s what I was expecting from this gal, I know she will take some more time to accept it but still at least she realizes the thing now. I thought that everything will settle soon.

But for next some days I didn’t hear anything from her. I was totally puzzled that what can be the reason for this, but I really can’t figure that now and when finally she came, she was looking miserable. She was looking so pathetic that I just wish to stretch my arms and give her a hug and ask the reason for her this miserable cond. but damn I can’t do that. She started telling me a tragedy:

Dear Diary

(Two pearls from her fell from her eyes & make me wet)

Everything is over now. I never realized that he loves me more than anyone else can do and I always keep on searching for the thing that is just in front of my eyes. But now it’s too late for me to realize all this, as he has surrendered to his family pressure of getting engaged and is engaged to some gal. How can he do so with me?? He said he loves me a lot……..but I never make him mine. No!!! That gal can never care for him in the way like I do…..but may be she will also not give him any pain and at least she will care single heartedly for him. But can he live without me……..of course, in last days when I was with him, I too didn’t spend so much time with him so he is quite used to it. Can I live without him??? No!!! Not at all!!! But I deserve this only , I always give him pain, though I never want but still for a stupid girl like me this should be the only fate……What should I do??? I have no one else except him…..???......But I will never tell him all this as I don’t want to spoil his life anymore………let him get all happiness at least………..

If I had my way, I will never let her do this mistake coz I know that guy will also be happy without her, ever in his life but who will make this understand to this gal. She never told her anything, and finally the guy gets married. It’s been many months, but still the sorrow was intact with her and I can’t do anything to cheer her up. I just wish she had shared all these feelings with some close friend who can save her from this fate……..

I just want to ask one question???

Why you people trust a non-living thing like me so much instead of real life friends, may be if you trust them more than me then you will be saved from many drastic things and I can be free of pain that I know everything, still I am bound not to do or say anything……the pain that always make me remind that I am non-living…………….

So think about it before answering me……..

See you

Your Personal Diary

( P.S – This is my little effort of understanding the gals…….I know not an easy task but tried a lot to understand their feelings a bit through this post )

(P.P.S – Make friends to share feelings instead of keeping it up to you only)

Zindagi...........Lyf..............

2009-08-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

Lamha Lamha Yuhin Gujar Jaayega

Zindagi Ka Safar Chalta Jaayega

Kabhi Hansayega, Kabhi Rulayega

Kabhi Gham ,Toh Kabhi Khushi De Jaayega

Kisi Ko Door Le Jaayega, Kisi Ko Pass Le Aayega

Har Din Ek Nayi Raah Se Mulaqaat Karayega

Raah Mein Kaanten Na Ho Aisa To Nahin ho Paayega

Par Un Kaanton ke Zakhmon Par Marhan Lagane Waala Bhi Koi Aayega

Wo Zakhm Bharenge Ya Nahin Ye To Aane Waala Waqt Hi Batayega

Par Hum Akele Nahin Hain Jahan Mein, Is Baat Ka Yakeen Ho Jaayega

Kal Kya Hoga Is Baat Ka Darr To hamesha Hi Satayega

Par Is Pal Mein Jee Le Mere Dost, Kyunki Ye Pal Khud Ko Dobara Nahin Dohrayega

Tears Of A Lover

2009-08-13T23:58:00.000-07:00

Hi babe

Well we both know whatever is going on in our relationship. Though from this long relation I got millions of memories which are enough for me for my whole life and that is the reason even after knowing all your unfaithfulness I am with you coz I just can’t imagine to live without you. You too know that I know everything still you never seem to see that this is killing me every day…..every minute ……and every second. Still I am ready to bear this slow death for your sake coz I just can’t let you go.

But now I am fed up of this slow poison that I am drinking everyday. I don’t understand why you never think that I am the right person, why you always try to hurt me in one way or the other. I don’t know why you can never see my love for you or just that no one else can love you more than me.

But all this have no meaning now. I just want you to know that all this is over now. I don’t want to pile on and this I request you to let me free of this bondages. Instead of these small scars just take a knife and stab me right in the center of my heart. Stab me now for heaven’s sake so that I can be free from all pain coz if I stay more, then I will only fall in the deep valley of pain and sorrows.

You always say you care for me, for that care’s sake cut my throat and let all my love for you that is in my blood to flow from my body so that my soul is not indebted with any pain. I can’t kill myself coz my heart still beats for you and it will never let me part from you but my mind knows that there’s no better way of ending this. My life starts with you and that’s why I want to end it in your arms only, so come on babe ……please don’t hesitate. Coz it’s just similar to giving those scars that you have imprinted on me many times. Just the difference is that it will be a final one.

It would just act as a healing touch for the wounds on my soul……..

Hope you will not disappoint me this time

Your lover

Voices Of My Heart - Part 1

2009-08-13T02:39:00.000-07:00

Bhatke Hue Raahi Ko , Koi na Koi raah dikha hi deta hai

Gham mohabbat ka ho ya dosti ka, shayari sikha hi deta hai...........

Kisi ne humen dil se awaz di aur woh hum tak na pahunche

Aisa ho nahin sakta,
Hamarey doston tak hamara har raaz na pahunche
Aisa ho nahin sakta,
Unki dosti ka har lamha is tarah dil mein basa hai
Ki hazaron dard milney par bhi hum us dosti ko bhula den
Aisa ho nahin sakta.....................

Is naseeb ki baat na karo, isney bahut zakhm diye hain

Hamari raahon par kaante, nahin isney kam diye hain
Fir bhi issey ladtey nahin
Fir bhi issey kuch kehtey nahin
Kyunki isi naseeb ne hi to aap jaisey humsafar diye hain.........

Unse milkar is Dil ko yakeen hua ki sacchey dost bhi hotey hain
Is dhoop se jhulasti zindagi mein kuch pal chaon ke bhi hotey hain
Par jab wo bhi hamara saath chod gaye
To is dil ko kaise samjhayen, ki zindagi mein ye pal bhi aam hotey hain..........

Mystery Of Love And Lyf

2009-07-24T05:00:00.000-07:00

(Vishal’s Room) (11 AM)

It was a very nervous day for all 4th year students. Coz next day they were having interview with a big multi-national company IBM for On-campus placements. Vishal & his batch mates were in his room and discussing all this. Sameer, his roommate, entered the room with two passes in his hand, “Guess what I have got? Vishal said,” No! Don’t tell that you have got them this time. This all is a waste of time only. Mind my words.” Actually, Sameer finally got passes for famous Tarot Card Reader, Madam Maya, for which he was trying from last 2 months. He wants to know that will they make it to placements or not. Vishal didn’t believe in all these things so he was least interested but with friends you sometimes left with no choice. In evening, they both went to Madam Maya’s place. After she told Sameer about his future, Vishal went inside.

Maya: “Hello! Vishal. I know you came here just coz of your friend.”

Vishal:”How do you now this. Oh yes! Sameer has told you.”

Maya: “You know he didn’t tell me anything. I know this, but I too know that you will never believe me.”

Vishal: “If you know then just tell me about tomorrow placements and let me go.”(In a calm voice)

Maya: “You will definitely get it.Coz No one else deserves better place then you.”

Vishal: “Okay! Thanks! I should leave now”. (In a rude manner)

Maya: “Are you sure you don’t want to ask anything more.”

Vishal: “No. I am not interested in knowing my future.”(In a straight voice)

Maya: “Not if it’s related to your past. Specifically, your love” (In a strange voice)

Vishal: “How do you know about it? What about it? “(In an angry but low voice)

Maya: “Love will again come in your life in next 2 years, but the cycle of past will repeat itself in a reverse way” (in a suspicious voice)

Vishal: “What do you mean by that? “(In a doubted voice)

Maya: “You have to find it yourself. You can leave now. “(In a calm voice)

Vishal have no other option but to leave but her words keep echoing in his mind. He told Sameer only about placements not what else Maya has told him.

**************************************

(Vishal’s Room) (2 AM)

Sameer was sleeping peacefully, while Vishal was still awake. He was sitting on his bed and switching table-lamp button on-off-on-off. (Tak-tick-tak-tick). He was in his past 2 years back:

(College Auditorium)

Vishal was in second year at that time. They have organized a Fresher’s Party for first year students of their college. It was a great night full of masti and bash.

Vishal and Shweta were dancing on the dance floor.

Shweta was Vishal’s beloved. They were friends from 10^th class but in college came closer and become lovers. They love each other very much; just Shweta is quite much possessive.

They were dancing beautifully. The song stopped and Mr. Fresher and Miss Fresher were chosen. Ruchi was chosen as Miss Fresher and Himanshu as Mr. Fresher. They get a chance to dance with second year students who were chosen Mr. & Miss Fresher in their first year. But that’s the biggest problem for Vishal. Coz he was Mr. Fresher last year and he has to dance with Ruchi now. But he can see Shweta’s angry face. Ruchi came to Vishal and they both dance. Vishal’s eyes were on Shweta only, whose eyes were burning like volcano. Finally, she took her bag and left the party. Vishal too ran behind her. She moves outside the college. Vishal was running from behind and shouting, “Hey wait.”

Finally he grabbed her and said, “Hey. What happened? Why you came out like that?” (Grasping back for his breath)

Shweta: “Why do you care? You go and dance with her. “(In an angry voice)

Vishal: “Hey yaar. You are making it a big issue. It’s just a dance.” (In a straight voice)

Shweta: “Yeah! I have seen that. How much closer you are to her. Go, she will be waiting for you.” (She’s getting heated up and started moving)

Vishal: “Ok Ok I am sorry. You know I Love You Only.”

Shweta: “I don’t care” (furiously)

She was crossing the road, while Vishal said: “I will die without you”

Shweta turned and said:” I will too”

Suddenly, a truck at high speed came and ………….

Only Vishal’s scream was heard: “Shwetaaaaa”.

Vishal get back in time and tears were flowing from his eyes. Only the words “Cycle of past will repeat itself” were still troubling him.

Next day Vishal get the best post as predicted by Madam Maya. Sameer too get a job but in a different city.

*****************************

(2 years later)(IBM’s Office)(9:30 AM)

Vishal was working on his project when a voice came, “Good morning Vishal”.

Vishal look up with a smile and said,” Good morning to you too Aakriti.”

Aakriti was Vishal’s project partner from last 2 years. This is their fifth project together and they are the best team. She was the only close friend of Vishal, as they used to spend much time together because of project, so they share many things of their life including about Shweta. Aakriti loves Vishal very much but never expressed coz she fear that she can loose a friend.

Aakriti: “So today too you stay here whole night. What is this yaar? You will get your health affected…” (In a concerned voice)

Vishal: “Yeah Yeah. I know that. But this is just going to complete now and after that I am free. Now you will give me lecture only or help me too in finishing it.”

They both completed the project and for their great work they are getting a promotion as well as their boss organized a party in their honour, the following night.

***************************

(Hotel Radisson) (9 PM)

Everybody was congratulating Vishal and Aakriti for their brilliant work. Vishal was looking very happy.Aakriti thought that may be it’s the right time to tell Vishal her feelings Aakriti forced him to dance with her, he was not interested but he has to.

While they were dancing, Aakriti came closer to him, put her head on his shoulder and said: “I Love You”. Vishal was taken aback. He was shocked hearing that words and he left the dance floor and sit on his table

Aakriti came and said: “I know you can’t forget your past. But you can’t spend life alone too. I really love you a lot from past 1 year but can never tell u as I fear I might loose you. “

Vishal was not hearing anything; Madam Maya’s words make his way back in his mind “Cycle of Past Will Repeat Itself”. Though, he too has little feelings for her But he don’t want to loose her friend too. He knows what she’s saying is right, but he just can’t ignore those words.

Aakriti: “Vishal! Vishal! Please say something…”

Vishal: “I have never thought about it. Sorry I think I am not the right guy for you.”(In a low voice)

Aakriti: “You are perfect for me. I love you the way you are. I just want to spend…..”

Vishal (interrupting her): “No I can’t do that. I love Shweta only and will do it my whole life. I can’t love anyone else ever” (in a high voice)

Aakriti: “Okay. Why you never care for my feelings? You love hurting yourself na by doing this but every time you get hurt, I too cry. Do whatever you want.”

With tears in her eyes, she left the party, Vishal went back behind her.

Vishal: “Aakriti please listen. I don’t want to loose a friend like you.”

Aakriti keep on moving on road without listening.

Vishal: “Plz Yaar I can’t afford to loose you.”

Aakriti turned back and said, “Neither will I…”

The past was repeating itself just as it was, Vishal know what was going to happen. He was looking around and just saw a speeding car coming towards her, Vishal ran towards her and……….

Only one scream was heard, “Vishaaalll….”

Vishal save her but he can’t save himself. He was crushed to death by that car.

Madam Maya’s words were not untrue. Just Vishal can’t understand them. He never gives focus on what she actually said. He focused on words “Cycle of past will repeat itself”

But forget that she said: “Cycle of past will repeat itself in a REVERSE WAY”.

Sometimes life play mysterious games in which we can never ever think of winning.

(P.S: Possessiveness is a good thing, but much of it becomes harmful many a times. Do believe your love or friends always coz sometimes it leads to great troubles & casualties.)

(P.P.S: Don’t believe on anyone’s word but if believe then hear then and understand them properly, coz incomplete knowledge is quite harmful)

(P.P.P.S: Mere Dost Kisi Se Mohabbat Na Karna

Mohabbat Karo Toh Poora Bharosa Karna

Kyunki Jab Jab Mohabbat Se Kisi Ka Bharosa Utha Hai

Tab Tab Kisi Na Kisi Aashiq Ka Janaza Saja hai…………….)

I WISH I WORTH MORE THAN Rs.1.50

2009-07-15T02:54:00.000-07:00

It was a normal cool night of April. Aman, a tall, handsome guy wearing spectacles on his nose was lying on his bed and waiting for the clock to strike 12 ,because next day was his birthday ,still 10 minutes were left .He was in deep thoughts, don’t know what was going in his mind but he was totally covered up by his thoughts. Suddenly, his phone rang, he saw the clock and it was exact 12. A smile came on his face as he picked up his phone, but it vanishes seeing the name that is flashing on the screen. It was his friend Shubham’s phone. He finally answered the call with half heart and received a lot of blessings from other end. Actually, Aman was expecting his best friend, Swati’s call.

Swati and Aman were not childhood or school friends. They have met just 1 year ago in college only but as life is always quite unpredictable, they turn into best friends in just a month. Though Aman was a quite, calm, sincere, thoughtful and helping natured guy Swati was a cute, fun loving, prankster and short tempered gal. Still they were best friends, reason only they better know. Swati always keep on falling in one or other trouble and Aman as usual pull her out of it…………But still she never thank him, coz she thinks that it was his duty as a best friend and still Aman never says anything coz he knows that she is a big stupid gal. The only thing that Aman doesn’t like was her miserly nature. She always gives him a miscall or send a sms, coz she never wants her money to be wasted, and poor Aman always have to call to this stupid gal.

Today too, Aman was expecting a call from her though he knows that she was out of Delhi for 2 days, that means on roaming and she never calls in roaming unless it’s a big emergency. But he believes that his B’day will make her call .In waiting for her call, when sleep overpowered him, he didn’t realize.

Next day, morning was quite bright and sun was shining, but Aman woke up with a dull mood. He quickly checked his mobile for any miss calls, but there were none. He gets ready and leaves for college. His friends were waiting there; they wished him and have got a Birthday Cake for him. With a portrait smile on his face, he cut the cake and celebrated his B’day. Then they went for a movie “Fast N Furious 4”. In the whole movie, aman’s focus was more on his mobile phone then the movie, but it didn’t rang.

After spending whole day with his friend’s, he returned back to his room. Whole day he got calls from his home, relatives, classmates but every time the phone rang his eyes were finding some other name. He switches on the TV and saw some news, but his eyes were glued to phone only. He remains awake till 12, but he didn’t get the birthday gift he really desired.

Next day, Swati was sitting in the canteen with her friends, holding a lovely new guitar in her hand. Aman always want a guitar but as he is too bad in saving money, so Swati know he can never buy it on his own. That’s why she was saving every penny from last one year so that she can gift him a Guitar on his Birthday. She was actually not a miser; she was just trying to save money for her best friend’s gift. She knows that if she will not wish him then next day he will come angrily to her and at that time she will give him the gift.

She was discussing something with her friends; suddenly someone came running to her and said:” Aman! Aman was hit by a speeding cab near the college and he has been rushed to hospital.”

The guitar fell from her hand and she ran towards the nearby hospital with tears running from her eyes. There she saw Aman was lying on the stretcher in a pool of blood, he was being taken to the Operation Theater. On seeing Swati, Aman tried to say something but can’t say. Finally just outside the OT he holds Swati’s hand and say:” I just wish, I worth more than Rs.1.50 for you” and he fainted. No one understood what Aman said but Swati burst into tears coz she knows what he mean. These were Aman’s last words coz he never returned back from that OT and they became a mystery for everyone.

From that day, Swati was never seen in a way she used to be before. She became quite serious and just tried to concentrate on her studies. Many times she can be spotted in her hostel room sitting with the guitar and just wishing that may be she can ever tell Aman what he mean for her and understands that her one phone call mean much more than a guitar for him.

May be Aman’s death was destined, but her one call that day can make him die with a satisfaction that he worth at least more than Rs.1.50 for his best friend.

(P.S: Don’t ever wait for telling someone how much he/she mean to you coz may be later you will never get a chance. Some people think of giving big surprises to their friends but they neglect small things by which they can give much more happiness to their friends.)

NOTHING IS WRITTEN IN OUR HANDS

2009-07-13T01:50:00.000-07:00

Hmmmmm

I am not an astrologer ,neither a great priest, nor a renowned person who has very high thinking…….

I am just a normal person, like you, like every common Indian. I think in the way you thinks, I believe the things you believe. In our country, there’s a very old belief that our whole destiny is written in our hands. That’s why whenever we have some problem in our life, either it is related to money or health or education, we go to some astrologer or priest or anyone in whom we have faith. They first see our hand, to read our life.

But I don’t believe in it. It’s not that I am non-believer from birth, but from my life I have learned one thing, that it is right that our destiny is in our hands but it is not correct that it is in the lines of our hands ( hamari taqdeer hamare haathon mein hoti hai, hamare haath ki lakeeron mein nahin)

I mean , whatever effort we put we get it’s result. May be the result we are getting is not 100% but it may be 90% or 80% or 70%. But we can never guess that what result are we getting coz we never know what is 100%. May be we are getting 70% result or our efforts but we can’t compare coz we never know what is 100%. So the only way of achieving success is putting more efforts…………

Some people believe in whatever that is written in their hands, that’s why they just do what someone who has read his palm has told him, and they think that whatever they are achieving in complete, is not lacking anything. For that they even reject the field of their interest and even sometimes reject big opportunities, but they never realize that may be if they have taken the subject of their choice and made their carrier in that field, they will be at a place much higher then the place they are presently…………

So what I think is that, our destination, or achievement, our success , our destiny, everything is in our hands only. I am not here denying that God decides everything, but may be he wants to reach us at Mt.Everest but by believing in the lines of our hands we just never try for that path, we only try for reaching at Kanchenjunga(a lower peak then Everest). So our efforts only decide our final destination………..Our hardwork , Our intellect of choosing the right path, our determination these are the things that decide our future………………

In end I just want to say these beautiful lines by a great men I meet once:

Bekhudi Ki Zindagi Hum Jiya Nahin Kartey

Jaam Haathon Se Cheenkar Piya Nahin Kartey

In Haathon ki Lakeeron Ka Bharosa Mat Kar Mere Dost

Kyunki Taqdeer To Unki Bhi Hoti Hai Jinkey Haath Nahin Hua Kartey…………..

A Gal So Different.........

2009-06-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

Don’t know from where I get the exact idea of writing it, but just know that I have at least something to write on it……….and that’s why I am here. Actually I am writing here imagining a gal .who is quite, no, totally different from girls around us………

She’s a mystery. Yes, a mystery for solving which you has to spend your whole life if you try it in the way you do with other girls. But it would only take a few hours, to know all about her if you are her best friend and you can chat for long hours with her.

So much honest and truthful to you she is.

She’s egoistic and short-tempered.

Truly she’s so egoistic that you don’t talk to her for just one day and she will not talk to you for a week, and even after that she will talk to you if you have asked for sorry for a good number of times. Also, she will kill you if you hide something from her or said anything wrong. She will scold you for wrong things you have done and even shed a lot of tears if anything happens to you, even if you get a bruise.

So much caring and loving she is.

She’s quite clever and funny.

Of course she’s very clever. She just gets a hint of anything and she will get that thing out of you. You can’t hide anything from her, if she gets a hint; your secret is no more a secret. She can make you laugh with crazy and stupid activities all day long. But if you are in a problem, she might not give a solution but will always be there with you to make u feel, that you are not alone.

Such a kind-hearted gal she is.

She’s very intelligent and quick-witted.

Yeah, she scores good marks in studies. Knows when she should enjoy and when she should leave everything and just study. She also knows how to talk with strangers and how with friends. She knows how to react to any circumstance, how much tough the situation is. But, when it comes to her friends, she just blindly trusts them. She tells them just everything, even those things which no one else knows. Just don’t think that she can be used or fell in trouble because of that…………Whatever her friend’s told her, become

Words from heaven for her. She gets hurt because of it, many a times, but still she’s like that only.

Such innocent that girl is and also a great fool.

She makes you laugh; makes you cry, and make you feel her presence even if she’s not around. She care for you, scold you, get angry from you, shout on you and even feel sorry for you, but everything she does is for u.

You can find the qualities written in every paragraph’s starting in every gal but the qualities at end are found rarely, very rarely.

I have never found a girl like her but if you find one then do tell me………….

The Dark Forest

2009-02-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

Hi friends

Actually today, I have realized what pranks life can play with us and that how much you can get from life when you are on edge of losing yourself. I have realized now that how much happiness you feel when you think that you have lost something and suddenly you came to know that it was your illusion actually, you are gaining something. So I am writing something on that only.

What happen sometimes in life that things don’t go in a way that we have expected. The two roads might be going towards the same goal but may be through different paths. But we sometimes unknowingly enter the path less traveled by, leaving behind the main path leading towards our goal. When such things happen, we started feeling that life is taking us away from our goal and that we are getting lost. We try to turn around but the path has got lost till that time and a fear starts developing in us. The darkness on that path and the loneliness there makes our that fear more profound, and sooner we started believing that now we have lost the path and nothing can’t be done now, we will never reach to our final goal now. At that time the person gets confused in just everything and only negative thoughts seem to overcome his mind. He started thinking what worst can happen now and even sometimes prepare itself for it .He was at the verge of loosing all hope , all aspirations and just everything as that dark forest is getting deeper, thicker and darker but suddenly something shines through his eyes. He tried to keep that glare away from him by keeping his hand in front of eyes but he is not able to stop it and as he looks it completely, it was a ray of hope .It was the bright sunlight that’s guiding him forward now. The dark forests have ended and he now started seeing the road that got missed by him, before entering the forests. So he start moving towards his goal , on his way forward he face many troubles but all of them are nothing in front of that dark forest so he calmly cross all of them as he has the confidence of overcoming the dark forest . So when he finally reach his goal , he realizes that if he might have not entered that dark forest then may be these troubles will not become so easy to overcome for him. Thus although that dark forest scares you to death but trespassing that forest is really an important part of your journey as without that your journey will always remain incomplete.
So never fear of that dark side through which life is taking you just face it as boldly as you can, because

“Darkness is nothing but the absence of light and just one single ray of light will destroy it”

Not Happy With What I Am

2009-02-09T06:25:00.000-08:00

Whenever I think about myself,
It’s like reading a book kept on top shelf.
Which seem can be read anytime we want,
But when time came its out of reach like a coconut plant.

I used to think that I am a fool,
Not like others who r considered cool.
Those who frequently change girl friends,
Like it is the latest fashion trend.
Neither like those who say abuses about every gal passing by,
And next day you will find them with one of those gals stand by.
So I always want to change myself,
As I am not happy with What I Am.

I am neither like the toppers of college,
Who just crams a lot of books without any knowledge.
Nor I am like those who bunks classes every den and now,
And when exams come they just ask what to do now?
I am not one of those who abuses just every teacher,
Nor like dose who walks behind them like they are a gr8 preacher.
So in teachers’ eyes I always remain an average student,
And my internal marks reflected it at every instant.
So I always want to change myself,
As I am not happy with What I Am.

I always try to become a true friend,
But it seems like now it’s an old trend.
May be that’s d reason why I loose every now and then a friend,
As I just cant remain attached to them like the name of a brand.
I always try to make them realize the mistake that they make,
But most times people misunderstood my care & consider it fake.
Till sometimes ago to me these things never matter,
As I always used to think that coming future will be better.
But when I see such people surrounded by many friends,
Who even didn’t give their friends a damn thought,
And as I am too a human so now it hurts me a lot..
So I always want to change myself,
As I am not happy with What I Am.

Sometimes I try to change myself with this moving generation,
But didn’t get success anytime as these activities do my heart penetration.
The person inside me never allows me to do all that,
As I am not one who didn’t miss any chance of hitting six from his bat.
So finally I decided not to think more of these blunders,
As I have understood that my life can never come out of these thunders.
It’s clear to me now that no matter what anyone say or write in my testimony,
But however strong I try, happiness is never my destiny.
So without expecting anything from anyone now, I am moving forward,
No matter how much trouble I get from life,but I’ll never show my back like a coward
Now I really don’t know that I want to change myself or not
But one thing is clear that I am not happy with what I am.

I am not happy with what I am

With what I am

What Is More Painful ??

2009-01-03T07:55:00.000-08:00

The topic on which I am writing my views is not one which is in my mind. One day my friend sends me a message and that reads like it:
“What is more painful..??
When a person whom you trusted hurts you, or the person whom you hurted still trust you….!
Think about it??
“
I got this message during my semester exams, but still this topic is revolving anywhere in my mind .So I have tried to give my best thought to it.

I think before going directly to topic we should describe a little bit about trust.
TRUST – this is a word that according to me is the backbone of every relation, I mean friendship, love, family relation, etc. Every relation is strong and can survive any condition if that relation has trust as the foundation stone of it. So this word has great meaning of our life. It is not that we trust every person which comes in our life and neither we should as in that case it can be misused .And this trust grows when other person puts his/her trust on you. Trust is an inherent property of a person which is most of times not in our control .I mean many times in your life you might have trusted someone without any strong reason behind it, because at those times something from inside forces us to do so.
And that’s the reason why we get hurt because those inside voices are not always right. I am not saying that they are always wrong but my friends not always right also. But as we are humans so we can’t ignore those voices and thus we get backstabbed by the one on whom we put our trust many a times in our life, but this is called life experience.
When someone breaks your trust it’s really a painful situation. It’s not more painful then a broken heart but neither less than it. The person who faces it breaks in many pieces and start questioning himself:
Why that person enters my life?
Why I trust him?
But these questions mostly remain unanswered. And life goes on and victim’s wounds’ get filled by the medicine of time and he sooner or later forgets it.

But the other side of coin is still remaining. Our topics’ second face has not even touched.
What happened when you are on the other side of line?
I mean, What is the scenario when you are hurting someone by broking his/her trust? May be it can be intentional or non-intentional, may be it is the need of that time or not, Whatever the scenario is? .But fact will remain the same that you are hurting someone by doing so. Somewhere in your heart you feel the pain too, but that is a very small wound in comparison to that of victim’s one. But you know what, when that person still didn’t let his/her trust to lift from you, then that wound became an unhealable part of body and the pain that you will feel is just unbearable. The reason for this is that whenever your wound tries to heal with time, that person’s trust didn’t let it to happen as it keeps on reminding you what wrong you have done. The guilt feeling inside you increases every time you see that person still trusting you. So no matter how hard you try to forget that incident but the person’s face will always remain in front of you like a magical mirror that always keep on showing the darker side of you.
So I just want to say that broken trust is a life’s part and an unavoidable situation that is not in our hands but breaking someone’s trust is something that is under our control. The pain is in both conditions but the wound of broken trust heals slowly with time but of the second case will become an untreatable part that will keep on hurting you rest of your life.
So just try not to break anyone’s trust ever, although sometimes it’s really the need of time and at that time you can’t help it out but still we can try it as far as possible.
So with this hope I am moving again with the life expecting broken trust from others but not to break someone’s trust and hope same from you.

Cheers

Friendship - In Honour of Ma Best Friend Sush

2008-12-31T06:41:00.000-08:00

So finally this year 2008 is bidding farewell.
In these last hours of this year, I really want to write something on a good topic,
I thought about many things on which I should write, and then I reminded that this year has given me friends only, not only friends but very good friends.
So I have decided to write on friendship only.

Hmmmmmm
Friendship, that’s a great thing which every person wants in life from always, from the time the humans have started living. It is a great relation that a person can achieve in his/her life .With the modification and development of our society, its meaning keep on advancing but still the base remains the same.

Now talking about our generation .We are living in 21st century. Every person of today has become very much advanced. So they have changed the meaning of Friendship a lot. We always try to find a person or group of peers with whom we can just spent our time in a cozy and comfortable way. It can be a group of classmates in schools , college friends for college , group of colleagues in office , for net we have net friends, and for everywhere we by some means find someone. So we are with them and they are with us, as long as car of our life is moving on a smooth road. But as soon as some pit holes or obstructions starts coming on that road ,we find that our car is moving all alone, with no other car with us .At that time we think- Where all others are gone who are with us on smooth road ???
And we can’t find any answer and then we realize that actually we have not made any friends because as I think “Friends are never made but they are earned”.
Its not that friends, I mean true friends , we can never find ,but we have to do some work to find them and that’s why I always believe that friends are not made they are earned.

Many times people say that Best Friends, etc are all a useless thing, as these people have a belief that there is no need of any one like that. They say they have their family with whom they can share their every problem, so wads the need of a Best Friend???

First answer ma question:
Think all of the incidences of your life and then think:
Does u never have anything that u can’t even share with your parents???
Does u never feel the need of a person on whom u can trust just for everything???
Does u never think of a person who knows u better than you???
Does your heart never ask u to find a person whose shoulder u always get when your eyes become wet, no matter with happiness or sadness???
Does u never get caught in a situation from where u find infinite paths but not able to decide on which to walk???

I don’t know about u, but I always find positive answers of these questions.
So although our mind has developed, our society has became mean, but still we all need such a person on our life. Just the difference is that I ma accepting this fact and may be some of u will no accept it.
Second difference is that we all fear a lot to trust someone to that limit.
I am not at all saying that your fears are wrong. But my friends do u really think that without trusting anyone; u will get such a person. Think, the person sitting next to you in your college also wants such a person but he too has same fear. Then may be u both are with each other for 4 yrs but your that fear never lets u break such a thin line between two of u .Because my friend your trust on him will raise his trust on you.
I am not also saying that trust someone blindly, but my friend u can at least gave chance to other person. May be sometimes your trust will break and u have to face some adverse situations but my friend
“If u didn’t enter the pool because of fear of drowning, then will u ever be able to learn it .I don’t think so.”

Whatever I have said above is not just I have written, but I have faced every situation above, so I am saying all this from my personal experience.

So with this coming year 2009, I just wish that all of u should at least try to find a Best Friend, True Best Friend in your life, may be it will take sometime for you in finding him/her but believe me if u get him/her na, then your life will be floating like a bird flying in the sky.
At Last adding one very good message:
“Who is a friend??
I tell u:
Jo bin bulaye aaye,
Bewajah Sir Khaye,
Tum ek(1) kaho , wo chaar(4) sunaye,
Kabhi hansaye, kabhi rulaye,
Par hamesha saath nibhaye.
“

Importacne Of Defeats

2008-12-27T01:08:00.000-08:00

This is my first post here .Actually posting anything first time in any blog.
This is a kind of story that will greet you with a situation which i think 90% of people of my age group faces .So this is just to give u an idea what actually are our defeats made for.
so here it is:

What are my defeats ???
That I can’t perform in class 10 or that I can’t perform again in 12th or that when I dint get any good result in my first attempt of Engineering Entrance Exams or that one when even trying so much harder I even get worse results in Entrance Exams next year.
I don’t know what are they but they have defeated me, they have left me starving and force me to think ,
Is it really doesn’t matter how much effort I put I will be landed in the same results???
Is defeat has become my destiny in watever work I do???
Is I have lost that person in me who was once a winner???
Is that spirit has completely lost which keep me forcing to keep up with my results for seven continuous years???
Where that person gone who never say die to any situation???
Where that person gone who always see a ray of light in every damn situation???
Where?? Where??

Actually , after the results of my drop year and landing in a place where I never wanna be .I have no answer for all of these questions .I was so hopeless , so much disturbed , so much exhausted ,without any aim left in my mind , without any dreams left in my eyes. I just don’t know what I will do now?? What I wanna do ?? Know nothing .Just Nothing.

I am always a good counselor for others , not that I am boasting myself but I really know that , but another fact is that I can’t counsel myself ever. Actually noone can counsel himself as when you try to do that you always get confused in your views only .But at that time I am really in a need of another me ,who can tell me where I went wrong , who can support me .My parents are there with me but the support that a person in my condition wants can be given by a person of my age group only but that person I never get.
So finally I decided to put all the blame on destiny and with that attitude I entered in my college life.
There my approach was different totally coz I wanna change myself completely. I wanna kill myself and become like others ,who never studied as hard as I did but still are in a better place than me. And I succeeded in that too .From College’s first day my approach was to do masti ,enjoy life and keep away from studies as far as possible. Made a good group there with whom bunked classes , played basketballs in class timings and every other sort of fun, Movies , Mc Donalds ,etc .Just everything. Internals came and go , just study in internal days and get good marks. Really felt good .As first time I am putting less effort and getting more output. Where the first SEM go dint know ?? Actually when the semester exams came ,pata hi nahin chala. Then try to study but that habit was gone and with only that less study gave my exams and to my surprise even the exams gone very good. The result came and that was just amazing ,that I can not even believe.
But u know wad???
That result was my BIGGEST DEFEAT.
Its bigger then my bad 10th result , bitter den 12th one and worst then my drop year one.
Yes that’s the truth that I have found .This damn truth is hurting , very confusing and have no sense at all in eyes of people who are around us.
But truth is always in that form only. People just fear to face it.
Yes my first semester’s good results are my biggest defeat.
Why??
Lemme tell u. Wenever I get bad result I stood up with more confidence to face the next challenge. To show ,not to others , but just to me that I am not weak , I am not just a damn person lost in the world’s crowd. So every time I tried harder and failed .But that failure still is not complete failure coz that makes me strong internally , mentally and increases my confidence to face challenges.
But present result , it just asks me to keep doing what others are doing .To keep my identity lost in this crowd , to become just a damn engineer whose counting are in lakhs in our country.
To just not see any big dream as people like me will never get to that dream.To just be a stupid common man.

But when i took this result as my defeat ,this defeat again proves a teacher for me. It makes me realize that I am not a one from the crowd .It gives me the answer of my questions which at that time I dint get.
It tells me that No defeat is not your final destination , all these defeats you are facing coz you need strength for a much bigger thing.
It tell me that the person in me has gone nowhere , it is still with me and will remain there always just I am not allowing him to come out with full energy.
It tells me that I have not stopped dreaming neither my aims get destroyed from my mind , just the fact is that I am not letting them talk to me.
So again this defeat gives me a ray of hope , a motive to live my life , a new challenge to be completed and most important it has given me myself back.

So with this new energy ,with this new motivation I am again riding on the horse to chase my dreams ,with sword in my hand and eye on my aim ,What happen if I fall again in this race while fighting with any obstacle in between , What happen if I get bruises of evil words of criticization of people around me , but all this can never stop me from moving forward , may be they can slow me down but my every fall and my every bruise will strengthen me and made me more desperate for my destination .As now there is no end for me because I have understood that:

""No defeat is final & no bruise is permanent ,
Until U reach Ur Final Goal and break it into Fragments.""